"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" -Mary Oliver
When we think about making resolutions we are really wanting to improve our habits, thoughts, and quality of life.
We use the new year to provide a fresh start in hopes that this time we will be the version of ourselves that we have longed for.
Then what do we do? We set rigid, unmeasurable goals, that are unattainable then at some point drop the habit because we are discouraged. Rinse and repeat.
Here are some ways to soften and try a different approach.
1. Build on
How often have we heard "New Year, New Me"? What if we shift this to a more mental health honoring phrase, "New Year, new opportunity for growth."?
We are not blank slates to be wiped clean at the beginning of each year--thank goodness! All of the growth and work you have done up to this point MATTERS. Respecting the years and seasons that have come before is more honoring to our mental health, because acknowledging our strengths empowers us to grow stronger.
What are 5 things you can name as your strengths that you've gained over lifetime?
2. One thing at a time
Our brains are built to repeat and return to patterns through neural pathways. When we introduce new things our brain is breaking away from those patterns. This is good! It helps build neuroplasticity. However, if we do too much too fast we get overwhelmed and go back to what we know.
If we choose one manageable, measurable thing to do, then our brain is able to take that on and is more likely to rise to the challenge. When we do things that make our brain happy, our mental health is more well balanced.
For example, if my resolution was to "keep the house more clean this year" it is not manageable or measurable. If I change it to, "cleaning the bathroom once a week" it is only one new/different habit making it manageable, and it is measurable because I know what and how frequently.
What is your one thing?
3. Soften with kindness
THE most important thing is to give yourself space, kindness, and softness around this topic. Trying to learn and grow new habits in a hostile rigid environment will not be sustainable. But if I start off with knowing it's really okay if the bathroom isn't cleaned every single time there is flexibility.
We are much more likely to want to repeat habits when we know we have the freedom of choice to move toward that thing, idea, or thought. When we feel like we "have to" or "should" we add in pressure and shame that inhibits us from moving and keeps us stuck in restraint. For some this may mean not having any resolutions at all, which is great. It is much more important for your mental health to be listening to what you need in this season.
In what ways can you soften?
Take away
Self - acceptance, kindness, trying for a measurable manageable goal are 3 ways to honor your mental health in the New Year. Your mental health is important, and honoring yourself by listening to what your mind and body need will be a great way to start this year off to a good start.
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