We are told and reinforced by our own experience that being vulnerable is weakness. Thanks to Brené Brown vulnerability has become a buzz word and something to strive for. Why? Because it is what connects us to others.
We cannot have the connection and intimacy--the things we desire most in relationships--without vulnerability.
Strength & Courage
As Brené Brown says in her book, Atlas of the Heart, "Vulnerability is not weakness; its our greatest measure of courage." Vulnerability is the emotion we experience when we open ourselves to the possibility of being attacked. While it is uncomfortable to feel this exposure, there is no evidence of weakness when we feel this emotion. Instead there is significant evidence that points to there cannot be vulnerability without courage because of the risk it requires. When we have courage it means there is a presence of fear and usually risk. If you are to think of someone facing their fears and having courage, do you think of them as weak, or strong? Strength is not measured by the more walls we put between us and others, but by bringing those walls down to let others in when we feel safe with them.
Vulnerability in Relationships
Whether we are talking about intimate relationships or friendships, sincere vulnerability is required to have a deep and lasting relationship. It is the opening ourselves to another, saying, "I am willing to be known, because I want to know you." We often want our partner or friend to be vulnerable first because it will make it feel easier for us. This is because vulnerability is contagious, and works both ways. So if you are able to recognize that you desire vulnerability from your friend or partner, maybe start with a baby step by sharing something about yourself. Your person will recognize the risk you have taken, see your courage and strength, and is more likely to open up to you.
What does Vulnerability Sound Like?
Vulnerability is not sharing every detail about ourselves with everyone. It takes discipline and self-awareness to know what and with whom to share. Because vulnerability is exposure, we want to ensure that we are sharing with safe people who are not going to attack, criticize, or tear us down when we share our story. That is why it is important to have discernment, is our friend someone who is trustworthy? We often are able to observe this by how the friend shares information with you and others. Once we determine that someone is safe, vulnerability sounds like sharing the internal thoughts and experiences of our life with that person.
Vulnerability is not weakness: it's our greatest measure of courage.
My hope for you is that you encounter safe people to share your vulnerable emotions and experience with. If this is still a challenge to bring those walls you have built for your safety because of previous wounding relationships you are not alone. I am happy to provide a safe space for you to process and learn the skills of self-awareness, discernment, and vulnerability. Schedule now if this sounds like a good fit.
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